"[W]e find that a hot dog is a sandwich..."

That's a line in this recent decision from the Trademark Trial & Appeal Board. Technically it's dicta, but I think we can consider that important question settled. Next time I go to a ballgame I'm going to go up to the concession stand and say, "One hotdog sandwich, please," just to see what happens.

More importantly, the Board found that "footlong" is a generic term with respect to sandwiches, so Subway can't register a trademark on it.

Previous coverage of this issue here.

In case you're wondering, the last time I checked the litigation over whether Subway's "footlong" sandwiches are deceptively titled had been centralized into a Multi-District Litigation case in the Eastern District of Wisconsin. If I have time, I will see if there have been any post-worthy developments there.

--Bart Torvik

Subway Sued

There is a Subway restaurant just down the street from my office. I occasionally go there for lunch. When I do, my brain says that all I need is a "six-inch" sub and a cup of water. But my body—specifically my belly—objects strenuously. "We demand 12 inches! We demand Doritos!" My belly is  like the House of Representatives, and my brain is like the Senate, you see. Although the upper chamber is dominated by sober, contemplative types, there are a few rabble-rousers up there too. Call them anarchists. They tend to argue that, in the grand scheme of things, that extra six inches and that bag of Doritos certainly isn't going to do any harm. And they will be so delicious. And they will shut up those plebeians down in the belly. The negotiations go right up to the brink, but usually President Mouth says, "I'll have a footlong ..." and Secretary Hand grabs a bag of chips. The brain gets a pittance when soda is eschewed.

This is on my mind because Subway has been sued here in Chicago (and elsewhere—this has been a feeding frenzy* for plaintiffs' lawyers) for allegedly mischaracterizing the size of its "footlong" and "six-inch" sandwiches. In fact, say the complainants, so-called footlong subs are often only 11 or even just 10 inches long, and six-inchers are actually just half of that. Here's a picture from the lawsuit:

Cereal and the nature of reality: "natural" does not equal "organic."

The USA Today, a paper Homer Simpson described as "the only paper in America that's not afraid to tell the truth, that everything is just fine,"  has a story about how some folks are distressed to learn that Kashi cereals are "natural" but not "organic."