tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2295869345625274211.post4284300661504083893..comments2023-12-18T10:15:52.664-06:00Comments on Gillette-Torvik Blog: The People Who Want It All Are Hurting AmericaBart Torvikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13661031240106200076noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2295869345625274211.post-56919550225257420762012-11-01T13:29:05.511-05:002012-11-01T13:29:05.511-05:00Thanks for your thoughtful comment, anonymous. You...Thanks for your thoughtful comment, anonymous. You're surely right that I've simplified things. <br /><br />The behavior that strikes me as buffoonish is that the actions that (mostly) men take supposedly as a sacrifice "to take care of their families" often seem more likely to end up destroying their families. So it just seems ... dumb. Your explanation for this behavior—that it is driven by cultural expectations and mores, etc—is probably more satisfying, and certainly more charitable, than my description of it. But when you see it up close, e.g., with the men having moved on to second marriages, it's hard to be so charitable. <br /><br />Anyhow, your broad point that there are new psychological realities that both men and women haven't yet adjusted to is a great one.Bart Torvikhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13661031240106200076noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2295869345625274211.post-13224344100422925152012-11-01T06:54:39.001-05:002012-11-01T06:54:39.001-05:00Interesting ... the crux of your post that men (&a...Interesting ... the crux of your post that men (& not women) will take on jobs which lead to high achievement while sacrificing personal time is essential to this discussion, and I think it's critical that men lead the discussion about this. I think you simplify the motivations that lead men to this behavior though. It's not that they are "buffoons," or especially greedy or arrogant. Historically, men have been expected to sacrifice for their careers, a sacrifice which is supposed to allow them "to take care of their families". This idea is built into our idea of maleness. <br /><br />Conversely, of course women have been expected to sacrifice for their families as well, but through becoming their children's direct care-givers which has meant giving up work in the outside world. That idea of femininity is also intrinsic to our culture. More recently, feminism has managed to disrupt the institutionalization of that notion, so that women have the opportunity to work at the same levels as men. We haven't adjusted psychologically to this new reality though, so that women who are away from their children feel discomfort and even failure.<br /><br />We need to expand our ideas about maleness and femininity, so that men and women can feel comfortable taking on many roles vis-a-vis family in our society, both as providers and caregivers. Then, we need to demand that our institutions - workplaces, laws, etc. - support them.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2295869345625274211.post-57810516378139596302012-06-28T11:22:50.082-05:002012-06-28T11:22:50.082-05:00bravobravoMike Mateskynoreply@blogger.com